NAKED & RADICALLY HONEST…

My sister came to visit me today, along with my niece (Dina) and nephew (Tyler) and nephew’s dog (Shamer). Shamer ran with my dogs and had a good time. He is a town dog so he doesn’t get this space very often. He is a Schnauzer only he is a GIANT Schnauzer. I have never seen a giant schnauzer before and man, he is cute! My Dolly is a miniature schnauzer and it is just funny to two dogs that look the same but are so different in size. Shamer is nearly as big as Zeus, and Zeus is a huge dog (Great Pyrenees).

My sister got pretty pooped pretty fast so they didn’t stay long but it was really nice to see them. My sister is trying really hard to help my mom now too so it’s a lot for her to take on. She has chemo and radiation and then she wants to drive to be with my mom for her appointments too yet.

My mom is having surgery on Tuesday and she decided that she is staying in her town to do it for now. After surgery will come CT scan, chemo, and radiation. She is scared, I think, but wants to get it all over with instead of thinking too much.

Matt left to work for a few days at the plant on the other side of the state. They’re having issues and they think he can fix the problem. Will be nice for him to do that and be able to feel good about it, but I hate being without him too. He said in the hotel it is so quiet he can’t relax. Nothing like having 5 kids around!!

I am doing well. Feeling good etc… Just wishing the rest of my family was too. I guess I can thank God that I am feeling good while others are ill because if I was sick too I would be really miserable for sure.

I have an interview with a writer from O magazine on Friday. That would be really cool to get an article into such a huge magazine!!! She has PCOS and wants to do a very “meaty” article about it.

I hope you all have a wonderful week and weekend!

This song just came out and though I have never been a real big Melissa Etheridge fan, I love this song and I think she has done a marvelous job writing and singing it. Probably partially because she is singing it totally from her heart, beings she is a breast cancer survivor.

I run for hope

It’s been years since they told her about it
The darkness her body possessed
And the scars are still there in the mirror
Everyday that she gets herself dressed
Though the pain is miles and miles behind her
And the fear is now a docile beast
If you ask her why she is still running
She’ll tell you it makes her complete

[Chorus:]
I run for hope
I run to feel
I run for the truth
For all that is real
I run for your mother your sister your wife
I run for you and me my friend I run for life

It’s a blur since they told me about it
How the darkness had taken its toll
And they cut into my skin and they cut into my body
But they will never get a piece of my soul
And now I’m still learning the lesson
To awake when I hear the call
And if you ask me why I am still running
I’ll tell you I run for us all

[Chorus]

And someday if they tell you about it
If the darkness knocks on your door
Remember her remember me
We will be running as we have before
Running for answers
Running for more

We found out on Wednesday that my mom has full blown breast cancer and it is still there and there are more surgeries to come, along with chemo, radiation, and whatever else. They do not know where all it may be. They do know that it is in her breast and under one arm for sure. So, as you can imagine, it has been an emotionally exhausting week.

Our family has always been really lucky. We have never lost anyone in our immediate family (my parents, siblings, and their kids) to car accidents or cancer. I have said for a long time that for the size of our family we have been really lucky to not have any major trageties occuring. My stepdad died when I was 21 but other than that we have been very fortunate. I guess it is our turn now. I don’t know why… but cancer is definitely effecting more and more people all the time it seems. Something is going on in the world.

We had an ultrasound on Wednesday before I drove to my mom’s. It went really really good and everything looks wonderful. Our little angel is thriving and she is beautiful. Yes - they said 90% positive it’s a girl. If I want they will repeat the ultrasound to check gender. She was not completely cooperative but, they’re pretty sure anyway.

Check out these darling legs!!

I am so tired… so drained… but ya know, pregnancy-wise this is the best I have ever felt with any of my pregnancies. I ran into my cousin tonight at the store and she commented that she has never seen me look so good while pregnant. I will need to stay healthy and strong so I can be there for my mom. She will probably stay with us because I am pretty sure she is going to continue her treatment here, where we live. We have a good cancer center here and she needs the best care she can get.

Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers. I appreciate it so much!

I am listening to the wonderful music of William Joseph. It is just so beautiful. It is amazing how he can play a song like Kashmir and put such a gorgeous spin on it.

For some reason I am feeling a bit sober today. I guess I am probably worried about my mom’s appointment tomorrow. I talked to her this morning and she said that my sister had called to tell her how her CT scan went. She received VERY good news! My sister was told that the tumor in her lungs has shrunk to HALF the size it was. So she is ecstatic!! Now if we can get as good or better news about my mom tomorrow things will be just awesome.

I also have an appointment tomorrow morning - an ultrasound. We will get to see the gender! I am so excited!

We went to the pumpkin patch on Friday with my sister and my niece. It was really nice, and especially nice to see them. Life is so busy sometimes it seems we just can’t keep up. The kids had fun except Matthew seemed to come down with a fever while we were there. Then when we left both he and Treytan threw up in the truck! By the end of the weekend I was sick too. But feeling good today.

I have been working on a few projects for PCOSLiving. I am so used to spending HOURS everyday doing stuff for the PCOSA, and now I have this time… it is strange. I am busy all the time, and I am always juggling things, but now I am just juggling one less thing. I really love PCOSLiving. It is a very supportive and positive environment. I am so happy to be a part of it. A friend there lost her baby though and that is just heartwrenching. She apparently had an infection they didn’t catch and it caused her to go into labor at 17 weeks. My heart bleeds for her!

It is very bittersweet now… to be pregnant and healthy and have my pregnancy buddy lose her baby… I feel so terrible for her.

I wish you all a great week!

That is what Erik wrote when he sent me this photo. Perhaps bad humor… perhaps a reminder that nothing in life is certain… I worry about my mom and my 2 sisters (cancer and severe, progressive MS) dying… but yet, any one of us could be hit by a bus tomorrow. I guess it just means we should all, “live like we were dying.”

From the Defend America website:

Staff Sgt. Tom Caldwell maintains security by a convoy on a road near Baqubah, Iraq, on Sept. 24, 2004. Caldwell is assigned to the Army National Guard’s Company C, 141st Engineer Battalion, attached to the 1st Infantry Division’s 3rd Brigade Combat Team. Known as the “Trailblazers,” the engineers’ job is to search for Improvised Explosive Devices in the Baqubah area. U.S. Army photo by Spc. James B. Smith Jr.

Please keep my nephew, my mom, and my 2 sisters in your prayers if you have room for them. Our family is going through so much right now. I pray that everyone survives (cancer etc) and we all become stronger and better people for what we have gone through.

We are back online! It was a painless move to a new server thanks to Branden. If you ever need service in the area of websites and programming etc… Branden is a good one to help.

My mom had surgery today. A lumpectomy. I haven’t talked to her yet. I wanted to let her rest and I know that others will be on her doorstep and calling to see how she is doing, even though she is most likely wanting rest and privacy right now. So I will call her tomorrow morning and check on her.

My sister will find out next week if the chemo and radiation has helped her cancer at all. She is scared. We will hope for the best news as always!

I have been in touch with some old friends and that has been so nice! Right now it is just wonderful to receive support and kindness. I can’t say how much I appreciate it!

Did I tell you that we already had a blizzard this fall? Last week we got several inches of snow. My mom got 3 feet and everyone there lost trees and has lots of damage. Now everytime we say we have to get something done “before the snow flies” we hurry to add “again” or “for the second time…” on to the end of the sentence. LOL! I love snow and I love winter… I really love the 4 seasons and how different they are here. About the time you get sick of one, it changes.

What is really funny is that we’re still have 70 and 80 degree temps!! That snow didn’t last long!

Many of you may have noticed of the past couple of days that you could not e-mail Matt or Tarra. That is because of a problem with the E-Mail server and our webhosting provider has not been able to resolve. Because of this a few other web server issues over the past couple of weeks, we are moving to a new server. While I am not sure if this will be a temporary or permenate move (it will really depend on Matt and Tarra’s opinion of the new server) for the next 24 to 48 Hours we will not be able to recieve e-mail or update the site. We ask that until you see the “New Home” message that you don’t comment on any of the posts because your comments may be lost during the move. If you have any questions please feel free to contact me via e-mail.

We are sorry about the incovience and hope to have this resolved soon.

Thanks,

Matt & Tarra Hartl
and
Branden Simbeck
Computer Consulting
Server Administrator & Consultant for Heartl.com

I must say, last week when I got a message from my doctor to call him, I was immediately worried and thinking, “What more can go wrong?” You see, he told me that he would ONLY call if something was wrong. He said it twice and talked about how they’d be on the phone all the time if they called every person all the time. SO… He would only call me if there was something wrong. I took the AFP that day (also known as the triple screen). This test and can indicate if your baby has any problems/birth defects.

Anyway, I got a message and I called back on Friday only to find that they were out until Monday. So all weekend long I have been on edge. I thought I got a positive AFP (positive is bad). I was wondering what I am going to do if I have a baby die in utero, or born with trisomy 18 only to live a few hours or days. My mind was thinking the worst. After my mom was diagnosed with cancer last week I have been not thinking the happiest of thoughts.

So I called back this morning and the nurse got on the phone. She was chatting with me about PCOSA stuff - asking me how that was going (of course I told her that I had resigned). She never chats that much with me because she is always busy. So, I was thinking again, it’s bad news and she is stalling. She finally said, “Well, the reason we were calling you is because we got the results of the AFP.” My heart sank… “Your results are excellent!” She said. She went on to explain the results and tell me that everything is just fine.

Down Syndrome occurs in 1 out of every 800 births. The AFP said my chances are 1 out of 3,600. Trisomy 18 effects 1 in 3000 babies. My chances are 1 in 10,000. And Neural Tube defects (such as spina bifida) occur in 1 out of every 2,000 births, and my chances are 1 in 10,000. The nurse said that these results are wonderful.

I am really wondering if vitamin C and A New Dawn have helped me in that area! I am thinking so!

Let’s hope and pray that things continue to go well because my mom is having a lumpectomy on Wednesday. I can use the good luck to continue and I am sure she can too!

Sock it to me! Is that how that goes?

I must say that regarding the topic of respect, I am so saddened by the lack of it in this world anymore. Honest people don’t seem to be respected for their opinions, while brown nosers and butt kissers are respected like mad.