NAKED & RADICALLY HONEST…

Well I had an appt with an ENT today. He reviewed all my MRI’s and stuck and scope up my nose. What fun that was. He said that the sinus thing is not likely sinusitis or infection or whatever, he said that because it;s on only the one side it’s probably a growth (which not only scares me but really grosses me out). I asked him if it could be cancer (I am very paranoid about that now) and he said that it concerns him that it’s only on the one side and after surgery to remove it he will examine it and have it biopsied to find out for sure what it is. So I thought it was going to be cut and dry sinus surgery and nothing else but this is a little scary now. He did say that there is a chance that my migraines will go away and also my face will not be numb anymore on the one side. Anyhoo, hopefully it’s nothing. It went from “chronic thickening” to 100% opaic in the last 2-1/2 years. Surgery is on December 28th.

JOY!!!!!!!!!

I am so so so angry. I am angry at my husband. I am angry at every person I have ever been irritated by. I am angry at Kelly Ripa for gosh sake. And I am very angry at God. My husband isn’t making this all better and he is supposed to. Every person I have ever been irritated by should be gone and my sister should still be here. I think Kelly Ripa is a little bitch and I liked her before last week but I do not like her anymore now. She is a hypocrite and a snotty little twit and the way she treated Clay Aiken before, during, and after her show is despicable. Yes I can see not wanting to get germs during flu season but then #1 Don’t kiss everyone and their neighbor’s dog (which she does) and #2 Don’t put your hand over people’s mouths on your show and then turn around and call it unacceptable when someone does it to your big trap. HELLO! OK so, enough of that. Finally I am really pissed at God and I think that it was a horrible choice to take my sister. Everyone loved her. She was everyone’s favorite everything. Favorite sister, favorite aunt, favorite cousin, favorite employee, SERIOUSLY she was favored by ALL. She was a giver. She was a wonderful person. She had a lot of good left to do on earth. Why didn’t he take someone else? Someone who everyone doesn’t love or someone who does bad things? I know that these questions are really silly but, it’s how I feel and I can’t figure out how to get over it.

Hello everyone….

I know some of you are wondering what’s going on with test results and what not so I wanted to drop a note regarding that. I will try to be brief.

First of all, got the pathology report back last night *finally* - the lump removed two weeks ago is benign! That means NOT cancer. I go back next week to find out what to do about it because it’s already back, but, as long as it’s not cancer I am not worried about it.

I also got the results of the MRI’s back and what they found was

— no more scars on my brain which is a good thing

— sinus issues which were there 3 years ago (polyps & opacity)

— some possible issues with nerves in my back - that film will be reread

— neck spasms

So Now I go on to an ENT (ear nose throat) and possible sinus surgery. At an appt. next month I will have a VER and EEG to rule out any other neurological problems and then I guess hopefully the ENT stuff helps the migraine issues.

My sister’s memorial service was on Friday. It went pretty well. I was very honored at how many of my loved ones came (including a dear friend who drove all the way to and from Detroit Lakes MN in one day just to be there for me…. thank you thank you thank you!!) as well as all the many friends and family members from near and far. My sister was loved, and I guess so are the rest of us, which is really great to know. I thank you all who were there and those who sent cards and what not as well. Your kindness will not be forgotten. The slideshow I made in memory of my sister is on the internet at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NvM0qLlVl9Q I made and handed out several V-CDs (plays on DVD player) at the service. If anyone wants one and didn’t get one let me know. I will be happy to burn you a copy. The V-CDs are much higher quality than the one on the internet.

I know that after the last month I am so exhausted I could sleep 14 hours a day. If only the kids could too!!

As we look forward to the holidays it is really hard to see all the signs of Christmas and know that Candice will not be here. I know that time will help to heal the open wounds we are feeling and I try everyday to remember how lucky and blessed we all were to have her in our lives for as long as we did. I had her for 33 years. She was a wonderful sister and friend, and now she is our guardian angel. My heart hurts. But I am thankful and I would not trade the last 33 years even knowing the pain of this loss we now face.

God bless you all & happy thanksgiving!

Tarra Hartl & family
http://www.heartl.com